its ultimately hope that keeps us going.......

These past few months have been a see-saw… At one time I am up against the sky, at another I am falling deep down into a gorge that threatens to fill me up and remove my very existence. This see-saw is kind of irritating. Not when I am up against the sky but when I am down. Very few people can actually figure out my mood swings, but the few who can always complain that I have lots of them. According to this great friend of mine, my moods are pretty understandable from the tone of my voice. The exact details I was not told, but the basic fact remained that according to what I said and how I responded in the first 2 minutes of the call, this friend could understand my mood with a reasonable degree of accuracy. Good. At least there is someone who can understand my moods. Anyways, I am obviously not giving a crash course on understanding me over here. What I am here to write about is this new discovery that I made. I discovered this friend, a completely different soul the likes of whom I have never seen in my life!

I have known this girl for a pretty long time now. It’s been several years that I know she existed. But until now I had never had the opportunity nor had I ever made the effort of finding out who she really was.

In the past one year I had the opportunity of knowing her, thanks to the situation we had been put into. In the beginning she seemed to me to be more of a recluse, an introvert. And being a shy (YES I am!!!) person who finds it difficult to mix up fast, we didn’t have much of an interaction. Then both of us went for this camp, an escape decision for me. There too, there was not ample interaction, but still an improvement from the situation earlier. And now in the span of a few months, there has been a great change. I don’t know why I am writing about her suddenly. I guess it all comes about because of what she told me last night. These past 2-3 weeks, have been on the lower side of the see-saw. I haven’t been confiding in any of my friends because I didn’t want to. When a person doesn’t share her problems that person doesn’t like hearing problems of others. As a result I have been avoiding most people, except probably those who don’t have that many problems to share. I have been partying, movies, eating out, the likes, but never from my heart, never completely there. This particular girl, lets call her F for convenience. Now F basically had no clue about what was going on. She has some idea about some issues in my life, but never a completely detailed account that would enable her to offer solutions. Last night, when I was completely irritated over certain people, F gave me a call. After discussing certain light topics, I don’t know why the topic shifted to the *classified* zone. And this girl gave me a push up the see-saw. Just like that. So simply. She suggested a simple thing that I could do. A very very simple thing, which had eluded me as simple things always do. Suddenly since morning, I have had such a different rush of adrenaline, something inside me which has given me a purpose. I know the thing F told me to do, will probably have no effect no consequence. I told her that what I wanted to achieve was impossible. And she replied that if I thought it was impossible I would never be able to achieve it. I know it is a frequently said line. Often heard. But when you are actually down and sad, the right timing and utterance of that line makes a lot of difference. And it did, to me, yesterday.

So now I feel the tiniest bit better. :) Thanks to F :)

Another thing. One of my friends asked me the other day, why I write this blog. She said that I shouldn’t be writing down everything so “openly”!
I don’t know why, but this blog gives me a very nice release. I don’t feel free in confiding in people, most people that is, and this blog serves like a virtual person. I can say and write whatever I want, there is no barring. And then I can look back and understand how I reacted later on. And why not a diary? Well simply because I like typing. And yes, I am not influence by Amitabh or Aamir; I have been blogging for the last 2 years, just that it was not on this particular blog.

Right?

Cya.