We are all hostages

The recent terror attacks in Mumbai have given rise to lots of discussions all around me.

The attack and its impact had not hit me on Thursday night when I saw the breaking news on television. I thought it was a gang war. Next day, however, I saw the papers and the vastness of the attack struck me.

Strangely, but truly, this was the time when I thought about my friends in Mumbai. My brother was safe, I knew that. But I began calling up my friends one by one. It was only when I had disconnected the last call did I actually feel bad. What was I doing? Just because my friends, my family was safe - it was okay with this? It’s common human mentality – my friend just told me.

No I am not okay with this. I can't let these terrorists hold my country as hostage. So much anger, hostility, aggression ... what has the world come to? And who are these men? Why are they attacking us? I was filled with a curiosity and sadness. What has led these young men to attack us? Were they confronted by crossroads in their lives and they have taken this way up? Or are they victims too themselves of hatred and this is their way of hitting back - taking revenge?

Many people around me have been blaming politicians. About their lack of unity, and the fact that they are making this very issue a topic of political debate and agenda. But I am asking these very people... did you even vote last year? If you thought that election day was a free day to go hang out with friends and watch movies - you have no bloody right to blame anybody. I am not supporting the politicians, I know exactly what they do, but the fact is that they are one of us. We, the people of India, have elected them and brought them to where they are. If the politicians make a mistake, if they are corrupted or they play hate politics - we are solely responsible. After all they can't do anything without our permission. Everyone was also asking about Raj Thackeray, where he was and what did he have to say about the UP-ites and Biharis in the front lines of the NSG and Army - who were bravely rescuing victims and fighting and risking their lives. Yes, they are right. But what they don't understand that it is not alone that Raj Thackeray had done this. He had support, from his party, from his youth wing who attend his rallies, for the men who the brawn of his battalion as it continues its divisive politics. Everyone has heard the story of how L. K. Advani wanted to go to Mumbai together with Manmohan Singh as a show of unity and solidarity. But that's exactly what it is - a 'show'. We are still not unified and the terrorists find it very easy to hit at a country already at war amongst itself. Aren't men like Raj Thackeray, terrorists? Don't they also hit at out country - at its unity and its secularism?

Headlines are screaming out - "We want our Mumbai back..." "The city that never sleeps hit by terror...."
Me?
I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK.

It's just another day...

Its been so despondent and lonely. Not a leaf has stirred from it's place. The sky was gray, and it's been cold. The night sky was dark and sad, the moon not there in the sky. The air is stagnant, like someone has sucked the life out of it, there is no life, no wind, no breeze. All day long there had been a sticky humidity in the air, so that one feels cold and hot. Characteristically Calcutta. It's been a long day and an even longer night. It's typically frustrating to lie on the bed all night long, watch the fan slowly rotate, as if it's just going on in life - with no purpose or no will to move. The fan sometimes reminds me of myself. It's been a long day and an even longer night. The buzzing of the mosquitoes is in place. My hands are very cold as I type, my fingers feel numb - so typical of me in winters. Far away, I can hear the noise of the tv somewhere. And, any time of the day or night, without warning, the train rolls past with its whistle blowing - it's rumbling reminding me of life somewhere. There is absolute silence in the night. With no sound, no birds, no cars. It's silent, but not peaceful. Probably because my mind is so noisy, there isn't any calm here. The questions are many, the answers few. Why do people never tell me what's wrong? Am I so unapproachable? And why do I, confess blindly, thinking they are my friends? Are they my friends if they don't even tell me what's wrong with them?
"kuch nahi hua ya... " It's been a long day and an even longer night. It's just another day where so much could have happened but nothing did, it's now reduced to just a speck in the time line of my life - probably forgotten very soon.

The Wall

What do you do when you see a wall falling apart? Do u sit and watch it fall? Do u run away? Or do u help to put it together? You want to help, right? But what if it’s about to fall right where you are standing? Do u run away? Or do u still want to help? What if, when u are helping, someone comes up and jeers at you. Tells you that whatever you do, u can’t put it back again. U can’t repair it again. What do u do now? Do u still keep on, or do u leave?
Well, I’m still at it. Because it’s a relationship, not a wall. Because, its my bestest friends. Because, I can’t think of life without the wall.
While I’m trying to repair this wall, bits and pieces are falling apart. I’m afraid that even if I do succeed in putting it back, there will be big gaping holes. Holes, which will threaten to make the wall crumble again. But that doesn’t mean that I stop in the process of putting it back, does it?
And in the process of repairing – another thing is happening. My wall is talking to me. And it tells me not to do what I’m doing. Not to try so hard, because, it says, the wall will itself hate me after I finish. The wall doesn’t want to be built again, it says, because it doesn’t want to live in the fear of falling apart any moment. Walls aren’t supposed to be like that.
But it doesn’t matter. Because I will try. No matter whoever says whatever. How can I not try? You can’t just stand by and watch two perfect people move apart, can you? I promise, I want to do this. I am not partial – I will not be, I will be understanding and caring. And ultimately I will not force someone to get into a relationship which won’t work. But I can’t see life without them, and I will put in my heart and soul to make this work, even if it means breaking any friendship I have with either of them.